“Maybe. Maybe not.”

I want to share a story with you.

It’s an old story, an old parable, and I will add some of my own reflections to it. And hopefully you will add yours.

Once upon a time, there was a Chinese farmer who lost a horse. Ran away. And all the neighbors came round that evening and said, “that’s too bad”. And he said, “Maybe. Maybe not.”
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The next day the horse came back and brought seven wild horses with it. And all the neighbors came round and said “why, that’s great, isn’t it?” And he said, “Maybe. Maybe not.”
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The next day his son, who was attempting to tame one of these horses and was riding it, was thrown off and broke his leg. And all the neighbors came round in the evening and said, “well that’s too bad, isn’t it?” And the farmer said, “Maybe. Maybe not.”
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And the next day the conscription officers came round, looking for people for the army. And they rejected his son because he had a broken leg. And all the neighbors came round in the evening and said “isn’t that wonderful?” And he said, “Maybe, maybe not.”

I first heard this story years ago. But I didn’t internalize its message. Sometimes hearing wisdom isn’t enough; you have to live it.

12 months ago, I was living in a wonderful apartment in Amsterdam with my then-girlfriend. It was homey and spacious and well-furnished. I had a very comfortable recording studio for making my YouTube videos and my course videos.

Then our landlord said he wouldn’t renew our lease. A big blow. We had previously lived in furnished apartments and we had spent the better part of 2022 furnishing this home. We had also spent lots of money on it. That all went to waste.

At first, we thought we’d rent a new apartment. Then we considered buying one, so we wouldn’t risk this situation again. But eventually we decided to travel together full time, maybe for a few years. So we put all of our new furniture and all our other possessions into storage. Then we packed our bags and headed off.

Four months later, our relationship ended. On good terms, but still.

By the summer, I was feeling much better. Yes, it had been a weird six months—I found myself single and without a home—but hey, I can work from anywhere, so at least I had lots of freedom!

Then my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer and passed away three weeks later. I’ve told that story before and won’t repeat it now. Suffice it to say that, compared to 12 months ago, I’ve lost a lot. It all seemed bad, bad, bad.

But the day that my previous relationship ended, I also made a new friend. He said, “Peter, I’ve been where you are now. It’s shit. Come, we’re going to have a drink together so you can pour your heart out.” We did and we not only stayed in touch; he is now one of my closest friends. I lost one relationship but gained another.

Losing my apartment seemed awful too, at first. But because of it, I ended up traveling to so many places this year and meeting so many new people. I made so many new friends. I got a new hobby, skydiving, which unlocked an entire new community for me. Traveling has also—what a cliché!—given me lots of new perspectives.

My dad, though. Losing him, that was of course awful. Can’t put a positive spin on that. But even there, I was at least able to find some gratitude. After sharing the story of his brief illness and the suddenness of his passing away, many people shared with me the stories of how one of their loved ones passed away from cancer. The process was often much worse and drawn out over years and years. And I found myself thinking, “it could have been worse”. Then Hamas attacked Israel and Israel retaliated—and is still retaliating—by bombing and invading Gaza and I found myself thinking, “well, I could have lost a parent in a much, much worse way”.

More recently, I dealt with some more heartbreak. I won’t go into the details, but I mention it because at times it has felt awful. I raised my hopes and they were dashed. However, the parable of the Chinese farmer is starting to lodge itself in my mind. Was this really a bad development?

“Maybe. Maybe not.”

What about you—what’s happened in your year, so far? Let’s not poke holes in what seems good. But what about the developments that seem bad? Could it be that the seemingly bad things that happened to you this year will turn out to be positive, in the end?

I know what the Chinese farmer would say.

Think about it. And in the meantime, happy holidays!