Sometimes, you don’t know why (and that’s okay)

Even now that I have mostly recovered from burnout, I still get stressful days sometimes.

Yesterday was one of those days. Suddenly, I realized that I was banging into stuff. Clumsiness is a big stress symptom for me. I was also panting, I couldn’t think straight, and I was rushing everything, from biking home to taking off my coat to using the bathroom.

When I get stressed, I start doing multiple things at once. I’ll unbutton my shirt halfway, then make one sandwich, then turn on the heater, then make another sandwich, before I finish unbuttoning my shirt.

It’s like my brain can’t think logically anymore.

Which is true… stress screws with your prefrontal cortex, which is in charge of making decisions, prioritizing, and planning.

Anyway, now that I have recovered from burnout, I surely only experience stressful days for clear and obvious reasons, right?

Actually, no.

Yesterday I had no idea what caused my stress. And that’s usually how it is now. Something caused my stress level to rise, of course—it’s a physiological response to stimuli. But which stimuli? Beats me.

Thinking about it more probably won’t help me figure it out. Or maybe it will, but it will raise my stress level in the meantime. So it’s not worth trying to figure it out.

Sometimes, you don’t know why, and that’s okay.

Yours,

— Peter

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